Conversations

"well if you see yourself thinking about others and what they would like, you need to stop. that's one thing i had to learn and it took me forrrever. here: i wake up. determine what mood i'm in. lazy? what if i see this person today and i'm dressed like i didn't care? nope not right attitude. i'm feeling like i don't need to try with my wardrobe so i won't. if i wake up and i'm like alright i'm doing good, i have time. maybe i'll really try hard today like spend lots of time. okay by the end of the time span i still look like i gave a 5-minute effort. so guess what i do now? i spend 5 minutes on clothes and hair. make-up takes maybe 5 minutes. b/c i've finally come to realize i honestly don't give a crap if people think i didn't try b/c i know i did at least a little and what i think about myself is more important."


"I didn't even know you well at youth conference. i knew nothing about you, but I thought you were cool, and I always slightly wanted that, to be like you and your group. But I felt I wasn't good enough. But when you cared, when you asked what was wrong, I knew that kind of person. I knew to trust you. Instinct." - someone said that to me. i'm not going to share who but it meant a great deal.


"you may be surprised to hear this but i've been alone quite a lot before. it sucks it really does and all one wants is to find someone who they can turn to, talk to, fill that loneliness. i know it sucks and i wish i could give you the best advice but i really don't know what to say. i don't know your background, your thoughts, your wants and desires. i know you're a great person but like every other great person you can't do it alone especially when trying to fill that gap of loneliness. turn to your friends, but most importantly what i've learned to do is pray. i wish i prayed more when i was your age and in the intermediate/middle school level b/c it would have helped me a lot. seriously, turn to good friends for help and advice but even when friends fall short sometimes (b/c lets face it we all fall short, no one's perfect) God's always there. and this may sound cheesy, fake, and irrelevant but it helps incredibly...
...i used to never vent. trust me don't go down that route. venting is good. i had so many things built up in me that once i finally started opening up to people it was like it was impossible to start from one point and explain what i was feeling b/c it was like i want to talk to you about this but then i need to tell you why i'm reacting why i am so it's b/c of this and that's b/c of that and it sucks b/c people sometimes don't understand where i'm coming from b/c it's almost like they don't know the real me b/c i never really showed anyone my feelings until i'd say probably 8th or 9th grade. especially this past year since last summer i've changed a lot. and not really changed who i am just more that i changed how i acted around people. like i started being myself and i'm quite emotional more than i used to think"








a few thoughts i shared with a friend. i guess you can tell me what you think. if you don't, oh well. if you do, alright. the second quote is something she said to me.

"Nothing"

My friend, Josh, in my English class wrote this for a poetry competition thing our teacher had us enter. He only got an honorable mention and imo, it should have won at the very least second.


"What does the richest man want but can not buy?
What is the correct answer to every "why"?
What's superior to perfection, what's inferior to sin?
What's safer than protection, what's more interior than in?
What's luckier than seven, what's healthier than well?
What's better than heaven, what's worse than hell?
What's shorter than a moment, what's longer than forever?
What in the world has existed never?
What doesn't happen for a reason?
What's colder than freezin'?
What can a blind man see, what can a numb person feel?
What's more than everything, what's less than not anything?
What can make each moment reappear?
What can make everything disappear?
What's darker than black, what can a deaf man hear?
What rhymes with silver, purple, orange, or month?
What's hotter than the Z Machine, what's faster than light?
What's more unlucky than thirteen, what's lighter than white?
What's bigger than the universe, whats smaller than an atom?
The answer is something we simply can not fathom."

Random

random update of my life!
you don't get this often so enjoy!!


school is out, thank goodness [i started singing Wicked lol] stupid Fairfield had to have a make-up day. too many snow days. so our last day instead of June 6 was June 9. how cruel. well i found out today that i got straight A's this last term. i worked hard for that A in french 3. phew. but now i have summer work for french 4 and pre AP english...and then i'm also taking german 1 next year:) and business academy. i get to go to dallas, texas next may:) and my senior year is disneyland how freakin awesome is that:D
anyway, my sisters dance recital was adorable. loved it. it was my first year watching from the audience. i danced for 5 years then was working backstage the other years so it was exciting to watch for myself!
i started today walking/jogging/running in the morning. at 7. i might do 6 instead. but i do it around the neighborhood for an hour. i'm in shape, just not THAT in shape. so i'm trying to change that at least a tiny bit:)
um. btw, if you've never heard of Jon McLaughlin look him up. pretty much a phenomenal pianist and great singer and fantastic song writer, and did i mention he plays the piano? so yeah, i'm hooked. i keep listening and listening to his songs. they're fantastic. and he's not well-known either. from indiana.
OH! mama, clara, kelly, and kaylyn threw me a mini surprise sweet 16 party thursday night. THANK YOU:) it was a blast. and i know not as many people were there than what you wanted (talking about clara lol) but it's okay. i had a blast. and thank you to everyone who came. the cake was delicious btw and totally cute. and did i mention i LOVE the game apples to apples? and how beast hartwig and nathan are at that game too haha


MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 13 DAYS:]
i'll be 16. [i'll be by edwin mccain is an amazing song]
it's about freakin' time lol
oh, and i have a date on my birthday.
how awesome is that.
it'll be me and nathan & charity and peter:D
i'm super excited!
but that is of course after dad takes me out for lunch for
my birthday:]!

Thought of the Day

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." - Berthold Auerbach

pretty much one of my favorite quotes ever:)

I can't seem to dodge Pres Ladle. what's up with that? lol

i gave a talk in harrison at the beginning of the year. pres woestman and pres ladle were there, saying what a wonderful job i did. now i am a prospective speaker. maybe stake conference? that was the joke anyway. i really don't want to. mostly because i can talk to people individually no problem, but i'm not a huge fan of talking to a huge group...
then in april my dad asks me to speak with him and mom in oxford. sure why not? it's a branch too; less people! it was great, i got to talk on elder wirthlin's talk at general conference!! and of course, pres ladle and pres guffey were there. i think they're following me. pres ladle "let me know when your next talk is, i'm going to be there." great... :) ...
so i was thinking sure why not, come. i'm getting used to it by now! but i was thinking okay it's going to be a while before i get assigned another talk. nope, been back in fairfield ward for about a month and a half now and i'm giving a talk on may 11. what joy. but it's okay. i like giving talks i do, they are very insightful and uplifting!! and who else can say that in 5 months they have given 3 talks in 3 different congregations? i feel at least a little special :D
and stake conference is in august. so i might as well start prepping myself just in case if i'll talk again. and if i don't there is always next year...and then there is always seminary graduation...wooo...

i'm really starting to get used to this whole let's give a talk at least every other month thing. i like it even if i'm still not comfortable talking to a big group. :)

Things that make me happy...

My Happy List (sounds so stupid but thats what the Sunday School paper said...we were supposed to think of three. And so i wrote a gazillion of course.)

• family & friends
• missionaries
• food (i have two and a half of liters of pop in the fridge woohoo!)
• french not spanish
• tech (choraliers)
• parties/spending time with friends
• football (Super Bowl)
• basketball
• wrestling
• music!
• love
• laughing
• making people smile
• phone calls
• debating
• crispy ranch snack wraps
• cheesecake
• KFC
• President Thomas S. Monson
• Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
• Ireland
• the movie, P.S. I Love You
• photography
• piano
• bass singers/good tenors -- any guy who can SING.
  
• stargazing
• mint chocolate chip ice cream
• Indianapolis Colts!!
  
• THE Ohio State Buckeyes
• flip-flops
• flats
• "superfluous"/"discombobulated"/"bequeath"
• Brooke White/David Archuleta (American Idol contestants)
  
• Simon (American Idol judge)
  
• chocolate
• singing/dancing randomly
• politics
• math (trig)
• not wearing my glasses
• listening to Katie sing
• encouragement/support
• being able to vent to someone who you know will listen
• purses
  
• sunglasses
• jeans
• hoodies
• Clara's straightener
• 3 Nephi 17
• 2 Nephi 2
• Matthew 5
• D&C 121
• Helaman 5:12
  
• EFY
• Youth Conference
• Girls Camp
• North Carolina
• Cincinnati North Stake
• warm weather
• Law&Order, CSI, etc
• Monk
• Triple Cherry Trix Yogurt
• meeting new people
• guys with muscle (not disgusting though)
• milk
• hot water (as long as I'm not drinking it)
• sleeping in
• people who can curl my hair
• donut holes
• mascara
• fire
• temple
• roses
• dancing/dances
• mac n cheese
• nature
• legally blonde
• theatre
• compliments
• cleaning
  
• prayer
• hot tubs
• laffy taffy
• road trips
• plane flights
• clouds
• bubble wrap
• playgrounds
• pouring rain
• Toyota Avalon's
  
• wrap-around porches
• my bed
• Joe's house (pool table, slot machine, air hockey, etc)
• Tanner's house (mansion much??)
• snakes
• clean snow
• feeling of grass on your feet
• quotes
• shopping
• the song, "Across The Universe"
  
• the song, "Imagine"
  
• the song, "Let It Be"
  
• the song, "Angels In The Alleyway"
• Michael Jackson's music
• Alicia Keys!
• brunettes
• blue eyes
• hair dye
• Jessica's hair
• mustangs
• driving fast
• virgin Strawberry Daiquiri's
  
• Shirley Temple's
• Journey (Don't Stop Believing is an amazing song, btw)
• the song, "I'm So Hood" (no reason really, just love it. ha)
• i-pods
• singing along to Marching Band music
• Facebook
• Black & White pictures
• hugs!!
• squirrels
• dogs
• jumping on the bed
• cell phones
• doritos
• comedies
• Jessica :)
• FHS
• pens
  
• hoop earrings
• sunshine
• the dark
• the band, Boys Like Girls
• red starbursts!!
• Kelly's car, Gorilla
• Hershey Kisses
• celery with peanut butter
• Reece's
  
• Cheerios
• Domino's
  
• peeps in the microwave
• Charlotte Russe
• Forever 21
• Deb
• Kohl's
  
• Target
• Dollar Danberry movies
• berets
• naps!
  

Mother Nature is the Devil in disguise

so mama finally went to bed (maybe...she's probably talking to papa instead...i tried to get her to bed over a half an hour ago...shows how bad i am trying to convince mama...i talk to her too much haha)
but because she left, i promised her i would blog finally. promises, promises.

so in the midst of a crappy week, and freakin' mother nature ruining my weekend, i'm trying real hard to find the good things that did happen this week. so here goes:

• well, my family is pretty much amazing, and people should be jealous. jk everyone needs to be grateful for their own family lol. but still i'm becoming more appreciative of them. well okay more appreciative of younger siblings. gotta love them. especially when they graciously give you tons of sour gummy worms. thanks laura :)
• food to eat. i've been hungry a lot lately. food is delicious. and if i didn't have the food i did, i would cry. maybe even die. i'm in love with congo bars all over again.
• which reminds me, mama making congo bars for the first time in a century was amazing and quite tasty!
• spending time with jessica thursday night. meaning we talked and watched american idol. ha. hate the show, love this season (the 3 davids...they're talented!)
• talking on the phone with joe thursday night when i really needed it was a blessing.
  
• spending the night at clara's with kelly also. that was a blast :)
• sledding in the snow. so yeah sure i hate snow with such a passion now, its probably illegal, but still. good sledding snow and down the Jungkunz's hill/drive way too. wow that was fun!
• "mermaid" "macho man" "Buddha" "Santa" hahahahaha
• the movie Madagascar is hilarious.
• read somewhere that al gore might get sued. made my day. global warming, my butt. (NOTE: he really probably isn't. biggest rumor ever. but it was still hilarious.)
  

um yeah there's some stuff. pretty awesome stuff too. :)